A Waste of Something

I went down to the shore
To see if the crashing waves
Would provide an undercurrent
Of hope

I walked into the breakers
Waiting for the undertow
To take me and wash me out
To see a different perspective
On life

It can not have come to this
Searching for a complex grain
Of something in the multitude
Drops of the mighty ocean

I would surely drown before
Finding what I am looking for
And that would certainly be
A waste of something

– GB

I am failing

Shuddering in my skull
Stuttering of my tongue
Words break on the way out
I try to convey meaning
With my eyes instead

I am failing

I am falling
Down a shaft of pure
Embarrassment
When I hit bottom
All I can think is
Run

Straight into the sun
So I will burn up and
Not have to face this
Ringing in my brain
This realization that
I have not come as
Far as I had thought

I can not trust myself

– GB

This World, My World

I’ve been building this world
But there are holes in the roof
And the walls where things should be

I have this object sitting on the floor
Too heavy for me to lift
I have touched it so many times
When I walk by
That it has been worn smooth
It’s the wrong shape to fill that
Void now, I should just get rid of it

I have been cobbling together
This world where brilliant colors
Collide with black and white and
Explode into something I can not
Exactly explain, let alone comprehend

If I had a cat it would run itself ragged
Chasing the little birds that come to
Visit me at the holes in the roof and walls
I should complete this world and head
Them off at the pass, but I won’t

This world is a comfortable and
Relatively safe place for me to sit and
Enjoy the breeze through the roof and
The walls, I like to write and sing and
Read and sometimes cry here, I like
To let the breeze blow my tears dry

I should finish this world, with its
Unsightly chasms, it has been far
Too long, trying to fill in those holes
What on Earth have I been waiting for
Dragging it on for so long?

I’m afraid, such a powerful thing, fear is
I’m afraid, such a dangerous thing, fear is
The power and danger have combined
To render me static over so many years

What if I finish my world and I am left with
Nothing else to do?

What if all the hopes and dreams I have expected
from my world become blurry doubts and shadows?

What if I bring you into my world and you
Turn away?

So
I set on task, to fill in all the holes
To run those risks, to wait and see
What comes out the other side

Certainty is what we strive for
The unknown is what we live for

– GB

Please Tell Me

His vision faltered
He couldn’t see through
The tears in his eyes
He was on his knees
At a makeshift altar
Praying for the first
Time in his life

“Please tell me,
why did you take her
and leave me to carry
on this wretched life
I am left.  This was not
a just decision. I cast
you out of my life forever!!”

There he lay at the
Foot of his salvation
Eyes closed, hoping for
A vision to show him
Which path to take

Desperation is trying
His soul, all he wants
Is to be with her
There is no solution that
Will not hurt someone

– GB

The Cough

Tight chest wheezes and cracks
With the cough’s concussive force
Beating back and beating down
All resolve with each sharp explosion

Writhing with each small agony
4 a.m. is so far away
And passes with so far to go

Locked in a ferocious fetal ball
Cramped and immobile
Only thoughts move
What have I done to deserve this?

– GB