I Pushed You Away

I pushed you away

I went in search of something
That I have not found
Since I met you

I pushed you away

And you flew
You flew so far
That I have no hope
No hope
No hope

Now I run
Trying to find that something
Sometimes I stumble
I have stumbled
And fallen HARD
Trying to reach out for
What was not there

All I am left with
Are these words
That provide no solace
As far from…
As far from you as I feel



lightning peels back
my already shattered sky
I am still jolted
not ready for the crack
although I see it break
I tried to embrace it
become one with
if it would not become
one with me

out in the middle
of a field turning
around and around
making myself the
tallest thing for miles
making myself as
much of a target
as I can hope to be

I anticipate the blast
I am braced for the shock
of heartache, of melancholy,
of grief at your inability to
love me enough that I
must go diving into
driving thunderheads
just to find what I imagine
what my own life is
supposed to feel like


obliterating light

10 plus 10
plus 10 plus
10 plus 10
plus 10 more
filled with words
that twist and
wind and slide
across the sheet
hanging on to the
paper cutting
until they slip
and fall into
up-turned ears

pulled, crackling
and hissing over
eardrums looking
for meaning and hope,
searching for the
gospel according to

reams fly by and
you mouth every
word like you did
at every teenage
rock concert
and you wish that they
meant as much now
as they did then

those pages
those songs
the deafening whine
that reinforced your solitude
they are all right here
before you
coming into focus
spoken by no one
written into the
obliterating light


Untitled #512

I carry a lot around
with me
more than I need to
a hell of a lot
more than I should

I want it all to be
right at the surface
where it can be accessed
without any
rummaging around
without the chance of
missing the moment

constantly ready for
something to happen
it rarely does
I carry my load around
with me
the weight of it
pulling me down
dulling my senses

until I could no more
jump at a chance
than I could
win a marathon

I sit and I
look at where I am
and I simply ask