Arriving at The Airport (a play in 9 parts)

Girl:  STOP!!!  Has your hand been there this whole time?

Guy:  I don’t know, I fell asleep, I just woke up when you yelled STOP.

Girl:  We’re in public and that is creepy, I have to wake up to you holding my breast?!?

Guy:  I put my arm around your shoulder and we both fell asleep.  I guess I did it in my sleep.  You never say anything about it at home.

Girl:  You touch my breasts when I’m asleep?!?  Just get away from me pervert.  Miss, is there an open seat somewhere?

Miss:  I’m sorry, the flight is full.

Guy:  I’m really sorry, how was I supposed to….

Girl:  NO!  You can’t talk your way out of anything this time.  Just sit there and be quiet while I decide if I even want to live with you any more.

Dad:  When we get off the plane, we go to the baggage claim area and get our suitcases.  If we get separated we will me at the baggage claim area, carousel two.

Son:  What if they’re lettered instead of numbered?

Mom:  There are only three carousels so it will be two or b.

Dad:  How ’bout we just meet at the center carousel?

Daughter:  OK!!!  If we get separated we’ll meet at the center carousel.

Dad:  Then I’ll get the rental car and we’ll got to the hotel.

Mom:  OK, just make sure you don’t touch that girl over there, she was yelling at her boyfriend for putting his arm around her.

Dave:  Did you check any baggage?

Bride:  Yes, I had to bring a big suitcase and they charged me a small fortune.

Dave:  Why?

Bride:  My wedding dress…..DUH!

Dave:  Oh yeah, are you sure it’s even fitting to wear?

Bride:  Yes, I’ve been working out, it fits perfectly.

Dave:  NO… is it still OK for you to be wearing white?

Bride:  Yes…..

Dave:  But what about the other day?

Bride:  That doesn’t count, you’re gay….

Dave:  Yes, but Rico isn’t.

Bride:  You said you would never ever ever bring that up…. You fucked him!!!

Dave:(sing-songy)  That was after you fucked him….

Bride:  UGH!!!!!!!! This is the last time that is ever mentioned.

Dave:  OK, slut.

Guy:  We’re here, people are getting off the plane, do you want me to grab your carry-on?

Girl:  I’m still pissed at you.  Don’t touch me or anything that belongs to me.

Guy:  Fine, I’ll meet you at the car…do you remember where we parked.

Girl:  Yes… I might just get a cab.

Guy:  Fine, do you have enough cash?

Girl:  I’ll go to an ATM

Guy: Fine

Daughter:  Where’s Dad?

Son:  I don’t know, he said to meet at the center carousel.

Mom:  He went into a restroom before we passed the checkpoint

Daughter:  You didn’t wait?

Mom: I had to go too.

Daughter:  How long should we wait before going to check on him?

Mom:  I don’t know, but our bags are coming up on the one over there.  Let’s get them and meet back here.  Then we’ll decide….if he isn’t here yet.

Daughter:  OK, sounds good

Son:  That works for me

Dave:  Wow, that suitcase is huge, you sure that dress isn’t too big for you?

Bride: It’s got my shoes and makeup and hair stuff in it too.  Plus, there’s the honeymoon clothes, we’re going right to Aruba from here.

Dave:  Right, the honeymoon, you were just practicing the other day, making sure you got all your aaaahhs and O faces right.

Bride:  SHUT UP!!!!!  That is the biggest secret in the world.  It’s like nuclear launch codes.

Dave:(sing-songy)  Someone was launching something and it looked like a missile to me.

Bride:  That’s it!  You either shut up or you’re not my maid of honor any more!

Dave:  Ooookaay!  I’m just trying to lighten the mood, You’ve been tense all day.

Bride:  Sorry, I’m just nervous, his parents are snobs and they make me feel inadequate….

Dave:  Rico didn’t loo……..

Bride:  HEY!!!! What did I just say?

Dave:  Consider my lip zipped.

Bride:  Let’s get the car and and go to the hotel.  In 48 hours I’ll be married and on the beach in Aruba, and I’ll be super mega rich.

Guy:  What are you doing here?

Girl:  I had a change of heart.

Guy:  Am I supposed to just accept that and let you in the car?

Girl:  I’ll let you kiss me and grab my ass a little, right out here in the open.

Guy:  Can I trade that in for something when we get home?

Girl:  Look, I’m trying to meet you part way here, if you’re just going to be a pervert about it, you can drive me home, then sleep on the couch.

Guy:  Alright

Daughter:  Dad’s not here yet?

Mom: No and I’m starting to get worried.

Son:  I have his suitcase.

Mom:  Maybe we should talk to security, see what they have to say.

Dad:  Hey!  Everybody!  Where are you going?

Daughter:  Where were you?

Dad:  I told you all we’d meet at the center carousel.

Mom:  We did!!  Except you!!  Where have you been?

Dad:  I told you I was gonna go get the car.

Daughter:  That was after we all met.  Not before.  We were really worried about you.

Dad:  I’m here now, and my bag is here.  Let’s get going.


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