As I analyze the events leading up to the break, I come to understand, more and more, why my big implosion pushed so many people away. There was a lot of lying going on, mostly by me. I was having a manic episode that lasted quite some time. I alienated a lot of people that used to be my friends. I was doing what I thought I needed to do to stay afloat. Everything I was doing was lighting little fuses which would inevitably combine into one gigantic one. Then there was the break and I imploded on myself, the manic episode turned into a Psychotic Break. Everyone else saw that they had something in common, my lies, and started comparing notes. When they did that they discovered that I was different to everyone, that no one knew who I really was. That was when they all moved away. It was my doing. It was my disease’s doing. I really had no control over it. I’m not using this as an excuse, I’m simply stating a fact. This disease I have, Bipolar Disorder (BPD), played a large role in the loss of friends and career. Any forgiveness I ask for or give, in that part of my life, must be seen in that light. But, I am ultimately responsible for my actions.