I was looking for some apps for my new phone and I discovered one for EverNote and remembered that I had used that program some time ago. So I installed it on my phone. It went through the various account verification routines; when I finally figured out my username and password it connected to its home servers and sync’d my “notes”. What I found there were some journal like entries from the summer I had the psychotic break. From these entries I can tell when I opened my EverNote account. The first entry is “been having some problems” which is very telling, because it was some time in the next 24-48 hours that everything went awry.
doing their shopping. 20 minutes to the appt and it takes about 10 to get there from here.
I’m confused right now, I am not sure what about the past few months has been true and what has been made up. There aren’t any records of my gastric issues and before last monday, there aren’t any regular records of my delusions/hallucinations.
If there aren’t any records of the tumor, surgery, etc…what happened at those times? Where was I? Were those delusions as well? What the hell is going on inside my head? This has been going on for a lot longer than just the past month, have I just been lying about it all? Or has it happened in my head just not to my body. How do you start to make that kind of thing up?
OK, wait, how many people do I have to survey to make sure this is really happening right now? How do I know the dude in the car next to me is blasting Nirvana?”
So, I have sufficiently freaked myself out. What a nice Thanksgiving Eve this turned out to be.