The Hill

it was called The Hill
everyone knew where it was
bundled tight we would
crawl under the fence and sled
’til we could not feel our toes

— GB

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11 Warning signs of a depression relapse

These signs may seem obvious, but I am sure there are at least one or two you may have missed. I know I did.

Talking About Bipolar

I saw an interesting slideshow on the WebMd website.  The following are the 11 Warning Signs of Depression

1. Depressed mood

2. Breaking plans, withdrawing socially

3. Sleeping too much or too little

4. Irritability

5. Loss of interest in sex and other pleasures

6. Feeling worthless

7. Chronic aches and pains

8. Sudden weight gain or loss

9. Fatigue

10. Slowed-down thinking

11. Suicide thoughts

I plan to keep this information near my computer to remind me of the warning signs.

Now that depression has left and I am on good ground again I can see that there were signs all along the way down.  Because I did not know the signs I went right through them and hit bottom.  I had a relapse.  One of the worst in a very long time.

I recommend this slideshow to everyone.  The information is a valuable tool.

love to all

pb…

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Distant

Two very good friends of mine told me in their own ways, that I have have been distant from their lives.  I took a little time and thought about how I have been behaving towards people that I hold dear and I came to the realization that I have been holding the majority of them at arm’s length, if not further.  I don’t know how it happened, this year has been about rebuilding for me.  Coming out of a bout with depression, getting up the nerve to attend a NAMI Peer Support Group, exploring options for going back to school.  All of these things were major steps in a direction that for me has been very hard.  I never thought of myself as someone who had interpersonal issues but when I look at how I interact with the outside world.  If we’re in close proximity to each other (my parents, our neighbors etc.) there doesn’t seem to be much of an issue.  Outside of that, I believe it comes down to the roles that are being played.  For instance, when I visit my pharmacy, I have, what I consider, a normal interaction.  There are no signs of hesitation or insecurity present.  On the other hand if I have a personal relationship with someone, the further away we are from each other (distance wise) the more distant and awkward the relationship tends to be (with a couple of exceptions).  What I believe this boils down to is a failure of sorts on my part.  It shows me what I need to work on over the coming months.  I need to regain participation in my interpersonal relationships.  This will be hard for me, overcoming shortcomings in parts of my life where I didn’t think there were shortcomings, always presents more than its share of challenges.

Happy Birthday to Me

Nobody Home

This was sparked by something my Dad said this evening….

“Nobody Home”
by Pink Floyd

“I’ve got a little black book with my poems in
I’ve got a bag with a toothbrush and a comb in
When I’m a good dog they sometimes throw me a bone in
I got elastic bands keeping my shoes on
Got those swollen hand blues.
Got thirteen channels of shit on the T.V. to choose from
I’ve got electric light
And I’ve got second sight
I’ve got amazing powers of observation
And that is how I know
When I try to get through
On the telephone to you
There’ll be nobody home
I’ve got the obligatory Hendrix perm
And I’ve got the inevitable pinhole burns
All down the front of my favourite satin shirt
I’ve got nicotine stains on my fingers
I’ve got a silver spoon on a chain
I’ve got a grand piano to prop up my mortal remains
I’ve got wild staring eyes
I’ve got a strong urge to fly
But I’ve got nowhere to fly to
Ooooh Babe when I pick up the phone
There’s still nobody home
I’ve got a pair of Gohills boots
And I’ve got fading roots.”