The only thing I can figure is that I must be doing it right. Whatever “it” is, I see no way I can be doing it wrong. No one has ever been in the same situations I have been in, there is nothing to compare it to. So why do I constantly find myself wanting someone to tell me that everything is going to be alright? If I’m doing it right there shouldn’t be any reason for reassurance. I should just know that everything is going to be alright.
I have had things to write but, with a few exceptions, I haven’t been able to concentrate well enough to sit down and get it out in cohesive thoughts. For starters, the past week was pretty good, we went to my sister’s house for the Christmas holiday (Northern Virginia). We were there from Monday evening through Saturday afternoon. They are in the process of moving out of their house so things were somewhat in disarray. They’re trying to get packed and at the same time celebrate the holiday. It takes a lot of energy to keep up those kinds of things. That’s energy I just don’t have. No matter how much coffee I drink or “5 Hour Energy’s” I consume. Luckily, everyone involved was able to see that I wasn’t really able to participate. I felt like a bump on a log the whole time, but I managed to keep it from affecting my mood too much. It WAS great to be able to spend time with everyone.
I finished the third week of two separate courses of antibiotics (1 for a week, 1 for 2 weeks) last week and I guess the sinus infection is gone. My nose is still all clogged up but the sinus headaches and other congestion is gone. I think a combination of the medication and the infection is what sapped my energy. I also think the antibiotic has been messing around with my psych meds. I can’t pinpoint it, but I have been having some break through depression, like a sadness drive-by. It doesn’t last very long but it has been pretty profound at times. I’ll watch it closely and see if it continues. I have an additional comment about medications. Over the past month and a half, I have gained some weight. I’m not sure how much but I can say that my clothes have been fitting differently. Plus, my blood sugar measurements have been all over the place and that is highly abnormal. I have checkups with both my docs in January so we’ll get to the bottom of this. Oh yeah, one other thing, the Lithium tremors have become more bothersome over the last week or so. At times, it has been very tricky using the mouse or typing/selecting icons on my phone. Also something I am keeping a close watch on.
Given the second and third paragraphs, I don’t think I’m doing everything right. If I was, I wouldn’t be complaining as much as I am. I guess I still have work to do. I’m afraid it is going to be a constant thing in my life. Just here, working on getting it right.