I am constantly searching for closure in everything I write. Sometimes it works out, other times, most times, I start but do not finish. But I had a thought. My writing is not the only place I strive for closure. I try to find it everywhere in my life. What I am learning and trying to live is that life is infinite in it’s possibilities. Gaining closure something I have aspired to for many situations in my life but it happens in fewer and fewer places. So, I have to consider alternatives. Maybe what I need is an answer, not necessarily the answer. That would certainly go a long way towards answering questions I have about things in my Bipolar Life. I don’t know for sure, and I may have mentioned this before, I believe that my encounter with Bipolar Disorder started on St. Patrick’s Day, 2003.
I know, I know… this again. I think the fact that I lost my life for seven seconds on March 17, 2003 and that I started having bouts of depression after that may be an indication that something inside my brain took a hit that day. Somewhere in the process of dying and being brought back set me on the path I find myself on now. This is something I will never know the answer to, I will never find closure here, but I have to believe that I am on the right track. I do find it puzzling that it took four to six years for the mania and psychoses to start but that will have to be a footnote to the story.
What does all of this have to do with getting closure in what I write? Well, I think that it will be easier for me if I don’t always put the pressure on to finish what I’m writing. Maybe what I’ve written is done without an extra paragraph, stanza, verse or line I’ve been working on for hours. I’ll try it out and see how it goes. Please don’t hesitate to call me on anything.