Start Again

“There are millions and millions of people with mental problems.  They work regular jobs, irregular jobs, they work at home, they don’t work, they’re married or single, they have kids or don’t, they do laundry and fall in love and have opinions and grieve their losses and, if they’re lucky, take their meds.  That’s what I’m learning.  I am a person with mental illness. So it takes some extra effort.  So sometimes it’s debilitating.  But now that I’m learning to manage it, it’s becoming not my entire life but simply a part of how I live, something people around me live with as well, something I can accept.  I have to, that’s the only way this works.”             —  “Madness: A Bipolar Life” by Marya Hornbacher

This extended quote gets right to the heart of where I am right now.  As someone with Bipolar Disorder, which appears to have been put in my rear view mirror for the time being, I am trying to figure out where I go from here.  What I need to do is figure out how to stop being afraid of things I perceive as being outside my comfort zone.  I’m not sure how to do that, if any of you have some suggestions I would really appreciate it.  Some of the questions I ask are:

Can I get a job?
Can I handle a career?
How about a significant other, or a family?
What happens when I fall apart?
Where does it all go when the only thing I can focus on is me?

defeat is just an
opportunity to
start again

I don’t know where I heard that but it seems like a good motto.  I think I’ll take it as my own.  Now I need to do some serious work on me.  I hope nothing gets in the way.

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3 thoughts on “Start Again

  1. I’ve been asking myself these same questions. Wondering what I can handle and what I can’t. It’s hard to know right? I wish someone would just tell me. People keep telling me I just need to try new things, but it’s hard to try new things when you aren’t sure about how you’ll handle them. But I do have a suggestion for you. I started volunteering doing office work about 5 months ago. I only go once a week but it has really given me some confidence that I can do things again. Have you considered volunteering? Because maybe that would be a good start to see what you can handle. Try volunteering somewhere you would enjoy working. It not only gives you something to do, and builds your confidence, but it also helps you network, and make friends. I never thought I would get so much out of volunteering. The first day I worked I wanted to quit because I didn’t understand what I was doing, and I felt overwhelmed. But I gave it some time (after being talk into staying), and I’m glad I stayed.

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