if

I am screaming at you
in whispers,
for all my
throat clenching
and teeth gnashing
you get
feathers bouncing
on bubbles,
and I do not know
how to get my
point across
without encountering
a smile and a wink,
I sit at the kitchen
table with my head
hung low over a too
cold cup of coffee,
our histories
repeat themselves
with the roles reversed,
there is an incredible
rage in me
flowing in the
wrong direction,
you are the object
of my ire
but you are not
the subject,
I have your love
not your respect

!! WAIT !!

there is nothing
in any of these words
that make any sense
out of what we have
been through together,
only fear that races
through my heart
wanting to see how
perfect we could
have been together,
if only
you would change,
if only
I could change,
if
if
if

–GLB

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