17 Years

It has been 17 years
My God
I remember the anguish
It is still in my bones
During the last weeks
I came in off visiting hours
So we could have
Quiet time without interruption
I cherish those times
Lightly holding your hand
Gazing into your eyes
They would close when you took
  Your mini-naps
I recall how angry I was
  When you to told me your decision
You were a fighter for so long
How could you just give up…
But it wasn’t for me to understand
It was for me to accept
It is for me to tell people about you
  About the woman you were
  About how amazing you were
  About how brave you were
  About how you cared for me up to the end
Time goes by
I am always grateful that you
Were in my life
— GLB
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Re: Motion

I met wih my healthcare provider last week and he gave me some hopefully good news. We are going to decrease one of my medications by half. He said it would take some time and that eventually my tremors should decrease in intensity and frequency. He also said that I will see an increase in my mental acuity. My memory should be better as well as stuttering and ability to find the right word while in conversation. All in all, some good news for some trying times.

The Same Way

It’s the same way
Most of the time
Then I’m not
And I can’t find
The spots to make it
The same way again

Constancy keeps me
Centered,
In the moment,
Ready
Then it doesn’t

When it happens
Everything I touch
Is in question
Right or wrong
Caring or indifferent
This is the way
My cookie crumbles

Time
Time and solitude
May be the only antidote

— GLB

Something Missing

It has taken a lifetime from me
No end to tears when I discover
Something missing
With no way to bring it back

Afraid of how it will progress
I search for a way
To keep the memories I have
Hidden from the horrible monster

I have no way of knowing
What will get gobbled up next
Something old
Something new

All eventually passing into oblivion
The time between now and
Eventually is the only promise I can accept
What I have for now brings solace

— GLB

Sad Songs

I sing the sad songs
Under my breath
Only a slight whisper
Detectable by
Those drawn near

Holding back on the words
I struggle to
Squelch the tears,
They come
None the less

Attempting to release the pain
I tilt my head back
Pushing my sobs to the sky
Tears trickle into my ears

Shaking my head to clear them
I catch a glimpse of you
In the doorway

The only way I know
Of making me smile
During sad songs

— GLB

Untitled Good Memory 305

As we stepped off the curb
A gust of wind and rain
Blew her umbrella upside-down
I stood in the middle of the street
Laughing like a fool,
Almost getting run down
I caught up to her at the curb
Put my hand in the small of her back,
She looked at me and smiled as we were
Getting drenched running for the car

— GLB