In My Absence

For the past 2 weeks I’ve been seriously engaged to an unhealthy case of bronchitis, not that there is really a healthy case of bronchitis, which has put my depressive side of Bipolar Disorder somewhat lower that it has been.  All I’ve done with any regularity is sleep, take meds and, well, cough.  I haven’t been writing much, I haven’t even been writing my usual 100 Words entries, march bit the dust half way through and I haven’t started on April yet.  It doesn’t look promising for that.

One thing I did manage to accomplish the completion of my yearmix 43 compilation CD.  Since age 30 I’ve been making a mix CD(s) based on songs that had some meaning to me during that year.  The songs are not necessarily new that year, they’re just songs from my life.  This year’s collection is as follows:

Superman(It’s Not Easy) – Five For Fighting
Almost Home – Mary Chapin Carpenter
Brian Wilson – Barenaked Ladies
If You Were A Stone – Ron Pope
Nightswimming – REM
Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby – Counting Crows
Stay – Sugarland
The Scientist – Coldplay
It’s Been A While – Incubus
Over My Head(Cable Car) – The Fray
When I Grow Up – Garbage
Power of Two – Indigo Girls
Who Says You Can’t Go Home (with Jennifer Nettles) – Bon Jovi
Rain Pours Down – emmet swimming
All Too Well – Taylor Swift

So the sickness didn’t put me at a total loss.
I saw my therapist for the first time in 3 weeks today.  It was a good, but somewhat short session, I guess I didn’t have a lot to talk about.  I also bought 3 books today:

“Veronica Decides to Die” by Paulo Coelho – I just finished reading “The Alchemist”
“The Bible, A Story of God and all of Us” by Roma Downey and Mark Burnett
“Proof of Life, A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife” by Eben Alexander, M.D.

I’ll place a solid bookmark in my “standby” book, a biography of Bruce Springsteen and get started on one of these.  It should be interesting, I’m stepping outside of my usual fare.  The last three books I read were:

“The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho
“Divergent” by Veronica Roth
“Madness: A Bipolar Life” by Marya Hornbacher

So, I need to get back to writing more.  I miss it.  It feels like there is something missing and I believe that is it.  I just need to think for a little while and let myself flow back into it.

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She Was Beautiful

This is my latest 100 Words entry. It came from the beginning of an old story.  A story I have been writing for years.  Maybe one day I will go back and write some more, maybe I’ll even finish it.  Who knows.

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She was beautiful. Even the sun knew it. It was like a spotlight on her as she wound her way up the coastal highway. That fall had been unusually warm in the city. She had been too busy to notice much about the weather but that was all going to change tonight. I sit on the deck of my beach bungalow and stare out at the ocean, a Guinness in one hand and a Havana burning itself out in the ashtray. As the sun begins to sizzle in the horizon I think of the past. Always an exercise in pain.

100 Words for 12-17-2013

I started to talk to her about where she would go if she had two weeks off and she answered with a very curt reply, “Hong Kong”.  Then she was off waiting on other bar patrons.  The majesty with which she slung those bottles of liquor around was second only to a crane taking flight from the edge of a placid pond.  Her hair flowed about her shoulders, her face contorted into amazing shapes. Then she would place the drinks down on the bar as softly as if a butterfly was landing on a petal.  I was falling in love.

Dark in there

It is dark and cold in there.  I definitely should not be going in alone.  Please come with me, I never know what I am going to run into when I go in.  Besides I need someone to carry all the ammunition.  This weapon is heavy enough by itself.  What do you think?  Are you able to shoulder this load?  I am counting on you.  I have seen a terrible monster in there.  With big orange and yellow glowing eyes and sharp gnashing teeth.  It is better to fill it full of holes than let it get a hold of you.

These are the days…

These are the days you will never get back.  These are the days you will look back at and question, “What the hell was I thinking?”  These are the days you hope to forget.  These are the days you will always remember.  Why does it happen this way, when you have had both short and long term deficits?  These are the days that are electric; the events bore their way into your skull, until you have no other choice but to commit them.  These are the days that others whisper about in your company.  These are the days, oh yes.

That Bastard

The pain comes in spasms moving from my chest to my back in spasms of waves. I have to sit up or lay on my side. Sometimes even that does not help. I do not have the appropriate pharmaceuticals to keep the pain away. It has been going on for the past few nights. Sometimes I know it is going to happen because I feel it when I go to bed. Other times, I get woken up by the pain. It appears as though that bastard I thought I was through with years ago is looking to get me back.

Irreconcilable

So you picked him, not over me, I was not there.  I had not been there for years.  You did not acknowledge my existence.  How does that happen after so much time spent together?  We were so comfortable.  Maybe that was it.  We became too comfortable, too familiar with each other.  When there was an excuse you used it to escape.  At that point I was providing WAY TOO MUCH excitement.  You went from not enough to overload in the blink of any eye.  You had to escape, I guess I can see that.  Why was it with him?