Distant

Two very good friends of mine told me in their own ways, that I have have been distant from their lives.  I took a little time and thought about how I have been behaving towards people that I hold dear and I came to the realization that I have been holding the majority of them at arm’s length, if not further.  I don’t know how it happened, this year has been about rebuilding for me.  Coming out of a bout with depression, getting up the nerve to attend a NAMI Peer Support Group, exploring options for going back to school.  All of these things were major steps in a direction that for me has been very hard.  I never thought of myself as someone who had interpersonal issues but when I look at how I interact with the outside world.  If we’re in close proximity to each other (my parents, our neighbors etc.) there doesn’t seem to be much of an issue.  Outside of that, I believe it comes down to the roles that are being played.  For instance, when I visit my pharmacy, I have, what I consider, a normal interaction.  There are no signs of hesitation or insecurity present.  On the other hand if I have a personal relationship with someone, the further away we are from each other (distance wise) the more distant and awkward the relationship tends to be (with a couple of exceptions).  What I believe this boils down to is a failure of sorts on my part.  It shows me what I need to work on over the coming months.  I need to regain participation in my interpersonal relationships.  This will be hard for me, overcoming shortcomings in parts of my life where I didn’t think there were shortcomings, always presents more than its share of challenges.

Happy Birthday to Me

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