An Old Pain

It is after one and
The lights are low
Even the crickets and
The frogs have
Gone to sleep

There’s a book on
The pillow
Begging me to
Crack its spine
So I can get lost
In it
For a while

But I can’t turn away
These thoughts of you
Haunt me in little ways
Almost every night

I let you in
To preserve you
In my heart and my head

It would be worse if I
Ever lost any part of you
So I endure these
Repeated points of pain

I wrap my arms around me
Pretending you are in
My embrace
A quiet tear slips down
My cheek
Remembering you are not
Actually here

It is just an old pain I
Choose to inflict
Upon myself

— GB

won’t you please come back

my head hurts,
likely from the
fact that you’re
not in it anymore,
the vacuum pulls
at my skull
and gray-matter
creating a searing,
cutting, diabolical,
ache caused by
your absence
from my life

my heart aches
from your absence,
a great chasm has
been created
by your leaving,
my words hold
no strength
since you have
gone,
they wiggle their
way out the side
of my mouth and
bounce off the
edge of the
paper

won’t you please come back

— GB

pins and needles

pins and needles pierce
my eyes and bring a
pain that is nothing
compared to what I feel
when I see you standing
in the rain alone when I
could have been there
wrapping my arms around
you and keeping you warm

etch my disappointment
on my face when i reach
for you and fall short
mud and briers fill my
fists, crawling after you
I break myself on every
boulder, drown in every
stream, my life is left
anticipating the moment
I catch you and hold
you and know that
you are mine

— GB

it was

it was not a break-up
it was a break down
in the ability to
communicate fears
and expectations
it was walls built
where none should
exist where there
should only be
words of support
it was your jump
into the arms of
my trusted friend
it was slamming
my face into a
puddle of swirling
disappointment
It was a symphony
of exposed nerves
when the secret
was discovered
it was a push-off
from a time filled
with pain and
misunderstanding
it was the end
of the end

— GB

600th Post – Thank You

This is my 600th post since I started this blog at the end September.  The words I put here are me, my family, my friends, my lifeblood, my deepest buried truths and pains.  I share them with strangers, who can act any way they see fit.  I am thankful to all of you who have read and liked, and followed, and commented.  I know you don’t have to treat me the way that you do.  That feels like a lot but it has been some of the best therapy, I have ever had.  You all have been part of it and again, I am thankful for every single one of you.  I hope you stick around for the next 600.  🙂

She Was Beautiful

This is my latest 100 Words entry. It came from the beginning of an old story.  A story I have been writing for years.  Maybe one day I will go back and write some more, maybe I’ll even finish it.  Who knows.

——————————————————————–

She was beautiful. Even the sun knew it. It was like a spotlight on her as she wound her way up the coastal highway. That fall had been unusually warm in the city. She had been too busy to notice much about the weather but that was all going to change tonight. I sit on the deck of my beach bungalow and stare out at the ocean, a Guinness in one hand and a Havana burning itself out in the ashtray. As the sun begins to sizzle in the horizon I think of the past. Always an exercise in pain.