17 Years

It has been 17 years
My God
I remember the anguish
It is still in my bones
During the last weeks
I came in off visiting hours
So we could have
Quiet time without interruption
I cherish those times
Lightly holding your hand
Gazing into your eyes
They would close when you took
  Your mini-naps
I recall how angry I was
  When you to told me your decision
You were a fighter for so long
How could you just give up…
But it wasn’t for me to understand
It was for me to accept
It is for me to tell people about you
  About the woman you were
  About how amazing you were
  About how brave you were
  About how you cared for me up to the end
Time goes by
I am always grateful that you
Were in my life
— GLB
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Something Missing

It has taken a lifetime from me
No end to tears when I discover
Something missing
With no way to bring it back

Afraid of how it will progress
I search for a way
To keep the memories I have
Hidden from the horrible monster

I have no way of knowing
What will get gobbled up next
Something old
Something new

All eventually passing into oblivion
The time between now and
Eventually is the only promise I can accept
What I have for now brings solace

— GLB

I Weep

I weep
when I get the chance
when it is proper
when it is true

I weep
when I need you
when you aren’t here
when I picture your smile

I weep
at the drop of a hat
when it doesn’t seem warranted
when I am happy

I weep
when I experience vicariously
when I am wrong
when I am right

I weep
because I am human
because I feel
for the sake of weeping

I weep
because I know the ending
because I am in pain
because there is no antidote

I weep
at personal triumphs
at goodbyes
at the first sign of kismet

I weep
when I am trapped
when I don’t understand
when I see the forest

I weep
when I’m on the right track
when I am frustrated
when I can’t keep my eye on the ball

I weep
when I examine my life
when I feel broken
when I can’t see the next step

I weep
on St. Patrick’s Day
when I have let you down
because I miss you

I weep
Because I am at home
Because you are too
Because 3172 miles

I weep
When I open a box of your things
When they still smell like you
Because I can’t put you away

I weep
Because that song is stuck in my head
Because I don’t want it to stop
Because it stopped

— GLB

Dad

There is no place to begin
Except…
He has been there
At all of my beginnings
Too many to list
Though, all of them have meant my life
To me
A firm place to push off from
A gentle place to land
When I hover or falter
Then fall,
A constant continual
Voice of encouragement
Helping me brush myself off
And try again
Through everything he has been there
My constant companion
Pushing me to be
My best
Not for him
For me

— GLB

it is here

it is here, on this page
that I tell stories
about the man I used to be

it is here, on this page
where I put the words
about the woman
that takes my breath away

it is here, on this page
that I draw images
of booming sparks
and shooting stars

it is here, on this page
that I profess my love for you

it is here, on this page
that I have created a space
for us to gather our everythings
and show them all to the world

— GLB

7 Minutes

Originally written 3-17-2018

PART I

There is a blank space
Not a slate to draw plans on
No foundation,
Not a place for hope or dreams
There is no starting place
No ending place, either
A middle space
Before the end
After the beginning,
I search for
The calm
A darkness
I pull back nothing,
An absence
That not even light can escape

PART II

There is an empty space
Not a window
Not a floor
There is no port of egress
Not even a door
There have been times
I passed this place
Never knowing it was here
I was headed somewhere different
With a plan in my mind
Looking for something different
Not a hint of where I would land

PART III

Spoken plainly…

There was no empty space
To go when I died
There was no tunnel
No bright white light
I did not experience anything
On this I can go no further
There is nowhere to go
For 7 minutes I was gone,
But I didn’t go anywhere

— GLB