In My Absence

For the past 2 weeks I’ve been seriously engaged to an unhealthy case of bronchitis, not that there is really a healthy case of bronchitis, which has put my depressive side of Bipolar Disorder somewhat lower that it has been.  All I’ve done with any regularity is sleep, take meds and, well, cough.  I haven’t been writing much, I haven’t even been writing my usual 100 Words entries, march bit the dust half way through and I haven’t started on April yet.  It doesn’t look promising for that.

One thing I did manage to accomplish the completion of my yearmix 43 compilation CD.  Since age 30 I’ve been making a mix CD(s) based on songs that had some meaning to me during that year.  The songs are not necessarily new that year, they’re just songs from my life.  This year’s collection is as follows:

Superman(It’s Not Easy) – Five For Fighting
Almost Home – Mary Chapin Carpenter
Brian Wilson – Barenaked Ladies
If You Were A Stone – Ron Pope
Nightswimming – REM
Mrs. Potter’s Lullaby – Counting Crows
Stay – Sugarland
The Scientist – Coldplay
It’s Been A While – Incubus
Over My Head(Cable Car) – The Fray
When I Grow Up – Garbage
Power of Two – Indigo Girls
Who Says You Can’t Go Home (with Jennifer Nettles) – Bon Jovi
Rain Pours Down – emmet swimming
All Too Well – Taylor Swift

So the sickness didn’t put me at a total loss.
I saw my therapist for the first time in 3 weeks today.  It was a good, but somewhat short session, I guess I didn’t have a lot to talk about.  I also bought 3 books today:

“Veronica Decides to Die” by Paulo Coelho – I just finished reading “The Alchemist”
“The Bible, A Story of God and all of Us” by Roma Downey and Mark Burnett
“Proof of Life, A Neurosurgeon’s Journey into the Afterlife” by Eben Alexander, M.D.

I’ll place a solid bookmark in my “standby” book, a biography of Bruce Springsteen and get started on one of these.  It should be interesting, I’m stepping outside of my usual fare.  The last three books I read were:

“The Alchemist” by Paulo Coelho
“Divergent” by Veronica Roth
“Madness: A Bipolar Life” by Marya Hornbacher

So, I need to get back to writing more.  I miss it.  It feels like there is something missing and I believe that is it.  I just need to think for a little while and let myself flow back into it.


I Know You But… ECT

I know you but
I do not recall
About you

The problem with ECT can be explained just like this.  It has been 15 months since my last treatment and I am still having memory problems.  I say “still” because I don’t know if these issues are supposed to go away or if they’re going to be permanent.  I can, for the most part, create new memories.  Sometimes, it takes repetition to imprint something on my mind.  For instance, the major city I live near, has a tricky street configuration.  I’ve been living here for a year and a half and I still don’t have it down.  There are a couple of places I go on a regular basis and I can make it there and back very easily, but if I try to go other places I get turned around very easily.  I don’t know if that is because of ECT or maybe some medication I’m taking.  If I have a list of things to do or to shop for, I always make notes if there are more than two items.  Other things happen, that I have mentioned before; I often times have problems choosing words when I am speaking.  I can’t come up with the proper word to express the thought I am trying to communicate.  Sometimes I can’t come up with the word I need to complete a sentence when I’m writing.  I have no idea what to attribute that to.  If I am reading aloud, I often stumble over words that appear to come in the wrong order.  I combat this by slowing down and reading like a kindergartener. Those are just a few things that I deal with on a regular basis.  Some, I know, are due to ECT.  Others are caused by a number of other things.  I may have come a long way since the break and I may be stronger now than I was even a year ago.  There are still good size cracks in my exterior.  I have to figure out a way to fill them and/or keep them from keeping me from making progress.

“Brain On Fire”

I received this book for Christmas.  “Brain on Fire – My Month of Madness” by Susannah Cahalan.  It’s the story of a young woman who wakes up one day to find herself alone in a hospital room, strapped to her bed and unable to move or speak.  I found the cover description riveting because there are a lot of us with similar experiences (if not the same).  I’m going to start reading tonight and I’ll let everyone know how I like it.  Don’t expect anything too extensive in the way of a review.  Also, do not expect me to be done with the book too soon, ever since I started with this blog I’ve been rubbish at making time in my day to read.  I’ve been trying to finish “Bruce”, a biography of Bruce Springsteen since mid-September.  For some reason, I get caught up in writing (which I think I’m going to scale back on a bit) and reading other blogs.  Other bloggers read mine so I feel it only right that I read theirs.  Hopefully cutting down on the number of items I publish every day will mean that I have more time for reading.  OK, now that I have gotten off track, I will call it a night.

I hope everyone had a happy and safe holiday.

A Heartfelt Thanks

This past week “Going Sideways” passed the 100 follower mark.  I am very excited about this.  When I started this blog I wasn’t sure anyone would even read it let alone “Like” it or “Follow” it.  For me, it means that I have been welcomed into the blogging community, and for that I am very thankful.  As someone with Bipolar, any type of human interaction is important to me and to see that someone from The Russian Federation or Australia or UAE read and liked what I was saying makes what I am doing here all that more important.  Thank you all for reading, commenting and following.  It means more to me than you will ever know.

— GB

Lite Reading

I like to read. With the free time that I have at my disposal I have read quite a bit since January 1.

Let’s see if I can recall them:


The Stand – Stephen King

Under the Dome – Stephen King

11/22/63 – Stephen King

Twilight – Stephenie Meyer

New Moon – Stephenie Meyer

Eclipse – Stephenie Meyer

Inferno – Dan Brown

The Art of Racing in the Rain – Garth Stein

The Notebook – Nicholas Sparks

Safe Haven – Nicholas Sparks

Message in a Bottle – Nicholas Sparks

Suzanne’s Diary for Nicholas – James Patterson

No Beginning, No End – Jakusho Kwong

The Glass Castle – Jeannette Walls

For What is Sacred – F.J. Harmon

Paranoia – Joseph Finder

World War Z – Max Brooks

Jane Slayre – Charlotte Bronte and Sherri Browning Erwin

The Dark Tower I: The Gunslinger – Stephen King

The Dark Tower II: The Drawing of the Three – Stephen King

The Dark Tower III: The Wastelands – Stephen King

Neuromancer – William Gibson

Count Zero – William Gibson

Mona Lisa Overdrive – William Gibson

The Center Cannot Hold: My Journey Through Madness – Elyn Saks

This is a Call: The Life and Times of Dave Grohl – Paul Brannigan

Cryptonomicon – Neal Stephenson

And I am currently reading

Bruce – Peter Ames Carlin – A biography of Bruce Springsteen

I don’t know about anyone else but I am proud of myself. I think that my ability to read so many books is quite an accomplishment. It proves to me that I have the ability to concentrate, comprehend and retain what I have read.

At my worst I was trying to focus everything I had on what was going on at work. I did go to the book store and buy books (I have the packed book shelves to prove it) but they were either never read or I would start them and give up after a few chapters.

If anyone has any suggestions please send then along.